I believe that there is no ordinary life. And we are not ordinary women – we are extraordinary women creating our most extraordinary lives! I also believe in the beauty of imperfection. But it took me a long time to arrive at that beautiful, delicious place that I now call home ~ my perfect imperfection. We need to make an effort to reflect and learn to relinquish (I love that word) control. Life flows so much better when we do that, offering us much more ease. But it can be hard to let go of controlling everything we touch and allowing imperfection.

Peel Back the Layers

It takes courage to look underneath the surface and examine our controlling behaviors because control is rooted in fear. And who wants to face their fears? Confrontation is hard enough with others, let alone sitting with our thoughts, examining our flaws, and deciding we’re okay with them. But if we want to let go of control and be comfortable with letting things happen or be as they will, then that’s what we have to do. When I spent some time working on myself, I discovered that my fears were rooted in imperfection and the old thoughts of “I’m not good enough” and “What will they think?” I was carrying around. I had put up a facade for the sake of survival instead of doing the real work of stopping and examining myself long enough to recognize what was going on.  

Control is Fear

Us women tend to carry around our need for control like a handbag and may not even realize it. It distracts from what we feel are our more prominent flaws by making it seem like everything’s fine. We trick ourselves into thinking that our fears and beliefs of inadequacy can be overcome by controlling everything external, providing a false sense of security. We all want to appear as someone who has it all figured out: That we’re in charge, in control, and have our $**t together. But if we stop long enough and get honest about ourselves and our lives, we realize we can’t control everything that affects us really at all. We need to look inwards first, to work on how we react and receive if we want to feel better and live a better life.

Drop Your Baggage

For myself, the signs were all there: I grew tired, angry, and felt out of alignment. Deep down, I knew I couldn’t keep this going like this. Some of us do a great job of pretending and keep pushing through that despite how hard it is on us. Strangely, it seems easier than doing the mental and emotional work required to change those destructive patterns. I get it: It takes a lot of energy to have the courage to be honest about what is happening within us. But if we’re determined to stop misleading ourselves and others and want to lead and live an extraordinary life, finding courage is crucial. We are meant for more than “good enough,” and it’s time to believe that.

Trust That You Are Extraordinary

Now, let me remind you: Extraordinary does not equal perfection. And accepting imperfection in your life doesn’t mean settling for “good enough.” It means letting go of the minor complaints because we don’t need to be so hard on ourselves all the time! To live that extraordinary life of ease, we need to accept ourselves and others. Only then can we learn to truly trust: Trust in ourselves and others with discernment and that the Universe will have our backs. 

That way, we can finally soften, step back, and “allow” life to happen as intended instead of trying to edit, cut, paste, reroute, rewrite, and whatever else to assert control over the outcome. It is so freeing. We don’t have to be perfect or in control – those are unreal expectations we create, making us feel like we’re lacking or “ordinary” because we’re not managing every aspect of life. Remember: The simple fact that we are alive, able to connect with people, places, and things, and enjoy life, is extraordinary. We have been extraordinary since the day we were born but just need the reminder.

You’re Not Alone in This

It took me a long time to come to an acceptance of that beautiful, imperfect place. I found support in others, like my peers and coaches, and in classes. So I am here to inspire anyone reading this, if you recognize any of this within you, to get honest about what is underneath any control issues you may have. As a coach myself, I can share 7 tips to guide you towards letting go of control, allowing you to live and lead an extraordinary life as an extraordinary woman:

1. Embrace trust. Embrace the beautiful art of surrender and embody learning to trust yourself and others, including the Universe. It may take time, but we women do the hard things that take time. You’ll experience actual liberation and freedom that IS life-changing and less stressful when you do. 
2. List out your fears. When I write down what I want, what I’m afraid of, and what my vision is, it provides clarity, and magic happens.  
3. Embrace uncertainty and the unknown. I know this is hard, but this comes back to trusting externally. It’s crucial in the process of finding comfort in life’s imperfections.
4. Tiny daily steps of action. You don’t need to expect results overnight: One foot in front of the other each day will get you closer to your goals, and that’s okay.
5. Acceptance of what is. When you fully accept things as they are – yourself, situations, and others – it’s easier to go with the flow and focus on your own response to it all to the best of your ability at that moment, which is all you can actually control.
6. Visualize freedom, flow, ease, and support. Use the power of your imagination to visualize: What would you feel if you gave up controlling a situation or person? Go there right now in your mind. Ask yourself the magical question, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” and see how that feels.
7. Ask for support and guidance. It can be from a coach, a mentor, a group, or whoever feels right to you.

Again, I believe that there is no ordinary life. We are not ordinary women but extraordinary women creating our most extraordinary lives, one day at a time. I hope my words inspire you to look within and find the path towards easing yourself into that extraordinary life. If you need help remembering, ladies, you know where to find me.

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