The 11pm Foot Massage That Shifted My Perspective on Rest, Resilience, and Culture

Have you ever found yourself in a moment so surreal that it almost feels like a dream? 

That was me on a business trip in China — exhausted from days of back-to-back meetings, feeling the weight of international deadlines and the pressure to “do it all” with grace.

🔥 We were finishing work at 10pm and my colleague suggested a foot massage at 11pm. I laughed. “A foot massage? At 11pm?” It felt absurd, but I went along.🔥

When we arrived, I was hit with a scene straight out of a movie. Dim lights cast soft shadows on a gorgeous water wall and obvious feng shui. It was packed with people. No private rooms, no solo sanctuaries — just strangers lying side by side, feet in the air, releasing the weight of their worlds.

⚠ At first, I felt exposed. Vulnerable. How could I relax in a space like this? Next to a stranger? My Western mind told me I should be in a spa with meditative music and essential oils wafting in the air. This was not that.

But as soon as the masseuse’s hands worked their magic, something shifted. I let go. I let the strangeness be what it was. My eyes closed, my breath deepened, and before I knew it, I had slipped into that sweet, untouchable space of pure relaxation.

The tension from days of “being on” melted away. No to-do lists. No “am I doing enough?” Just stillness, surrender, and breath.

💥The Lesson: Surrender to the Unfamiliar

That night taught me something I’ve carried with me ever since. As women, especially as leaders, we are constantly “on.” On for our careers. On for our partners. On for our children. For everyone and everything “out there”. On for everyone else but ourselves.

We think we have to earn our rest. It’s not enough to “just be.” But here’s the truth — our nervous systems don’t care about our perfectionism. They don’t care about our high standards. They just want us to stop for a moment and surrender.

What I learned on that massage table, next to strangers, in a foreign country, at 11pm, was that rest doesn’t have to be perfect to be restorative. It doesn’t have to be solitary, silent, or candlelit. It just has to be allowed.

💥The Deeper Pain Point We Share

I see this with so many women I coach. The belief that “I’ll rest when…”

• When the project is done.
• When my inbox is clear.
• When my team doesn’t need me.
• When everyone else is OK.

But when is “when”? It never comes, does it?

If you’re waiting for the perfect moment to rest, it will always stay just out of reach.

🚨 Here’s the twist: True feminine leadership isn’t about control or perfection. It’s about attunement. It’s about knowing when to hold firm and when to release. Knowing when to work and when to stop.

That moment in China, I wasn’t in control. I wasn’t alone. And I wasn’t “earning” anything. I just surrendered.

I’ll never forget it.

💥What This Means for You

If you’re reading this thinking, “That sounds nice, but I can’t just check out,” I hear you. 

The modern world isn’t set up for our softness. But what if you challenged that idea just a little?

• What if you let yourself pause today, even if everything isn’t done?
• What if you embraced rest, even if it feels “imperfect” or “inconvenient”?
• What if you sought support instead of solitude?

The truth is no one will hand you your rest. You have to claim it. 

No permission slip is coming.

I want to leave you with this question:
Where in your life are you waiting for the perfect moment to surrender?

If this story resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Where have you been resisting rest, and how can you begin to claim it today — imperfectly, perhaps — but claim it, nonetheless?

Here’s to surrender, sister. Even if it’s in the strangest of places.

With love and leadership,
Susan Elizabeth❤️

P.S. If you found this helpful, forward it to a friend who needs to hear it. We all deserve a little more softness, a little more surrender. ✨

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